Why Being Liked Can Undermine Leadership

Solitary leafless tree standing in an open field beneath a wide blue sky. Photograph by Charissa Simmons

Many leaders don’t consciously set out to be liked. What they often want is harmony, trust, and a sense that their presence doesn’t create unnecessary tension. Especially during change, being perceived as steady and approachable can feel like a form of care.

The problem isn’t warmth. The problem is that being liked quietly becomes a decision factor.

When leaders prioritize approval, they may soften expectations, delay difficult conversations, or over-explain decisions to avoid discomfort. These moves often feel kind in the moment, but over time, they create ambiguity. Teams sense the hesitation, even if they can’t name it, and that uncertainty can erode confidence more than clarity ever would.

Being liked is fragile. It depends on the consistency of comfort. Leadership rarely offers that.

Real leadership requires tolerating moments of disappointment. It asks leaders to hold firm when clarity matters more than consensus and to withstand the temporary discomfort that comes with setting direction. When leaders avoid this discomfort, responsibility doesn’t disappear; it disperses. Teams are left to interpret signals, fill gaps, and manage anxiety that should have been contained at the top.

There’s an important distinction between respect and approval. Respect is built through predictability, fairness, and follow-through. Approval fluctuates based on outcomes, mood, and timing. Leaders who chase approval often find themselves explaining decisions repeatedly, adjusting boundaries reactively, or revisiting choices that were already sound.

This is where self-awareness matters. Leaders who notice their own discomfort with being disliked can pause and ask a more useful question: What does this moment require of me, regardless of how it lands? That shift moves leadership from performance to responsibility.

Strong leaders don’t aim to be liked. They aim to be clear, consistent, and trustworthy. Paradoxically, those qualities often earn deeper respect over time, even if they create friction in the short term.

Being like feels safe. Leading well requires something sturdier.

If this resonated, you may want to read this next → Borrowed Authority Is Not Leadership