Leaders Set the Price of Truth
Calm mountain lake reflecting a dense pine forest and rocky peaks beneath an overcast sky. Photograph by Charissa Simmons
Most leaders say they want feedback.
But your team doesn’t withhold feedback because they don’t have it. They withhold it because they’re doing math.
They’re calculating the cost of honesty.
Will this get dismissed?
Will I be labeled difficult?
Will it change how they see me?
Will it come back to bite me later?
That’s the part leaders miss: feedback isn’t a communication problem. It’s a safety problem.
And safety doesn’t come from asking, “Any feedback for me?”
Safety comes from what happens after someone tells the truth.
The real question isn’t “Do you want feedback?”
It’s this:
How safe does your team feel telling you something you won’t like?
Because your title gives you power, whether you use it intentionally or not. And your team watches your patterns closely:
Do you punish messengers?
Do you get defensive or explain immediately?
Do you “correct” their perspective instead of getting curious?
Do you treat honest people differently afterward?
Do you reward agreement more than truth?
Leaders create the conditions. Teams respond to the conditions.
“Feedback is a gift” is incomplete
Feedback is a gift.
But gifts get rejected every day when the recipient is unsafe.
If your reaction makes people regret speaking up, they won’t do it again. They’ll smile, nod, and take their real feedback somewhere else.
Your job isn’t to say you value feedback.
Your job is to lower the risk of giving it.
How leaders make feedback unsafe without realizing it
A lot of leaders shut down honesty accidentally. Three common ways:
1) You explain immediately.
The second someone offers feedback, you add context, defend intent, or walk them through why it happened. Even if you mean well, it communicates: I’m not here to learn. I’m here to be understood.
2) You react emotionally, even subtly.
A sigh. A shift in tone. A quick interruption. A joke to deflect. Your team doesn’t need you to be emotionless. They need you to be steady.
3) You ask in public, but only reward “safe” feedback.
If you invite feedback in a group setting but respond only warmly to polished, agreeable input, the room learns what’s acceptable and what’s not.
Environment first. Then opportunity.
If you want feedback, you have to create two things:
The environment: the consistent emotional and relational conditions around you
The opportunity: real, repeatable moments where feedback is expected and protected
Most leaders try to improve opportunity (surveys, “open door,” check-ins) without fixing the environment (defensiveness, control, urgency, ego).
Opportunity without safety is just a request people learn to ignore.
A fast measure of feedback safety
Here’s the simplest test:
When someone gives you feedback, do they feel lighter or heavier afterward?
Lighter = heard, respected, safe.
Heavier = exposed, stupid, punished.
If people feel heavier, you won’t get truth—you’ll get compliance.
Stop stealing people’s thinking
There’s another reason teams don’t offer leader feedback: many leaders train their team to depend on them.
When someone asks, “What should I do?” some leaders immediately jump in with answers. It feels helpful. It feels fast. It feels like leadership.
But it teaches two quiet lessons:
“My leader’s job is to think for me.”
“My thinking isn’t that valuable.”
That environment doesn’t produce feedback. It produces dependency.
If you want a team that tells you the truth, you need a team that trusts their own judgment.
And that starts with self-discovery.
Replace “answers” with better questions
Next time someone asks you what to do, try this instead:
“What options are you considering?”
“What outcome are you optimizing for?”
“If you had to decide right now, what would you do?”
“What’s the risk if you choose wrong?”
“What information do you wish you had?”
Then let there be a pause.
Leaders who can tolerate silence create leaders around them.
And teams with strong thinkers give stronger feedback, because they’re not trying to please you. They’re trying to solve real problems.
Make feedback a system, not a personality trait
If you want your team to feel safe giving you feedback, treat it like infrastructure.
1) Make feedback expected—not exceptional.
Don’t wait until there’s tension. Bake it into routine conversations:
“What did I do this week that made your job easier? Harder?”
“Where did I create friction without realizing it?”
“What do you wish I would stop doing?”
“What am I not seeing from my seat?”
2) Respond with discipline.
Your first response should rarely be your opinion. Lead with curiosity:
“Thank you. Say more.”
“Help me understand what you saw.”
“What impact did that have on you or the team?”
“If you were in my seat, what would you change?”
3) Close the loop.
People stop giving feedback when it disappears into a void. Follow-through builds trust:
“I heard this theme. Here’s what I’m changing.”
“Here’s what I’m not changing—and why.”
“Here’s what I need from you to make this work.”
4) Protect the truth-tellers.
If someone takes a risk, make sure they don’t pay for it later—socially, professionally, or emotionally.
Your team is always watching how you handle the person who tells the truth.
The bottom line
Feedback is a gift.
But safety is what makes it deliverable.
If you want honest feedback from your team, don’t just ask for it.
Lower the cost.
Strengthen thinking.
Create predictable opportunities.
Respond with steadiness.
Close the loop.
Because leaders don’t get the truth they want.
They get the truth they’ve made safe to tell.
If this resonated, you may want to read this next → Leaders Don’t Get “No Bad Questions”